According to the Bible and other religious texts we are all descended from an original pair of ancestors, while evolution shows that we all diverged as a species from a common ancestor. Either way, every one of us is related in some way to each other. That’s why we can procreate – our DNA is pretty much the same as each other’s Yet we often categorise the people who come into our lives in order. For example as relations, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and so forth. But we forget that if we can go far enough back, every one of us is a member of the same family.
Just take a look around. Other people are not so different from yourself. They me seem stronger or smarter, braver or more happy, and so on, but deep down they feel the same as you do. They have the same insecurities, the same need for love and acceptance, and the same bodies and minds. However, experience shapes us in the form of our upbringing; the people around us, our environment and so on. People born in India are likely to become Hindus, or perhaps Buddhists (as might people from other eastern countries). Folk from the Middle East, Northern Africa, Indonesia and so on will follow Islam, while much of the western world supports Christianity. No matter how strongly held your religious belief, if you had been born in a different country the chances are extremely high that you would have a different faith.
And the same goes for ways of thinking. The national culture (or perhaps more accurately psyche) of a country like Japan is very different to that of (for example) the US due to widely differing cultures, covering everything from language, to food, working and, in fact, just about everything. And these differences can lead (and have led) to the declaring of borders, which can then go on to cause border skirmishes, invasions and wars. Much of human history over the last couple of thousand years has been devoted to wars over territory, ideology and religion. Yet we are (and always have been) members of the same family, except that we call it the human race – somehow that phrase serves to separate us from the other species on our planet, but it doesn’t imply a sense of family. Nevertheless we are all brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, and sons and daughters (I am from the UK but spent some time in a small city in Texas, and must admit it was welcoming to be called “Brother Robin” by some of our neighbours – the Southern Baptists happily acknowledge that we are all family)
Whenever I used to read posts on the Internet from someone feeling depressed and lonely, and who perhaps craves friends and/or family, often because they have difficulty forming lasting relationships I have often felt prompted to post something in reply to them, but I never knew quite what to say that will be of any help. It seemed to me that there’s nothing you can say in a single post (or even a dozen) that will cure, or even ease, someone’s depression, and it would be presumptuous of me to think that you could. But nowadays I’m learning to live more in the now. Today is all we really have – yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is yet to come. So I am more inclined to try and respond where appropriate. So what I might do is leave a short message with a URL to a website I may have found particularly inspirational. The person can then ignore my message if they choose or if they follow the link I hope it may help lead them on the way out of their current problems – at least I have done something. I still hope I’m not imposing, though.
And the thing is, for anyone feeling the way I described, the best cure of all is to adopt my approach – to reach out and to help others. After all we are all family, and families look after their own. I have found that there is nothing more conducive to bringing you out of a difficult patch or a depression than helping other people. I’ve been through a few myself, and things have only turned around when I have made the choice to stop worrying and complaining to myself, and to go and seek out others that in some way I can help. And I will be frank. Sometimes I have done helpful things for others purely for my own benefit and not to help specific other people. But by doing so, I have found great friendship and fulfillment and what has started out selfishly has turned into a positive outcome for more than one person.
So this post is dedicated to anyone who feels stuck in one of life’s ruts. Perhaps you feel abandoned and lonely and don’t know what your next step will be. Maybe a depression is setting in and you can’t pull together any motivation. Maybe you simply want a friend. My advice to you, then, is seek out someone who needs something. It could be a nighbour who needs a hedge trimmed, an old people’s home that needs volunteers, a scout group that wants a leader, and so on. If you look you’ll find something. Go out and help that person or group of people, and your life will turn around.
Remember, everyone you know and everyone you come into contact with, and therefore everyone you help, is a member of your family.
My book Creative Visualization For Dummies has much more advice to offer on forming better relationships simply using the power of your imagination and postive thinking.
